Alcohol Did It……..
The demon inside pulling me, trying so hard to bring me to a pool of pain and sorrow. The guilt and shame he throws at me to feel night and day. He is so clear in direct in what he wants. I can feel him gripping me tight making sure I know he will never let go. Wanting so bad for me to surrender. Reminding me I am nothing without the pain life brings.
Lost, afraid feeling alone, even in a room full of people. Wanting to run untill there is no where esle to go. The strength I once had has been ripped from right under me like the very ground I walk on. Being sucked into a black hole of depression knowing I will never get out. The rock pressed on my heart causing hatred, for me to never love again. Feeling trapped like an animal, chained for life like a prisoner.
A mind that should be peaceful, filled with so much craziness not knowing whether to go left, right, up or down. Fakeness to keep me sane but in reality, which I choose to ignore, being the cause of all the insanity. So many lies believed to be so true. A state of mind so blank, but yet filled with some much confusion. Feeling the very air I breathe being taken away from me causing me to suffocate.
Becoming just a body in the street. My soul dumped with anger. Forgetting who I am and what I stand for. Realizing I am nothing but and empty spirit with no where to go but the depths of hell where he wants me to suffer.
Feeling powerless over my fate. He has all control. Nothing I do will change his mind. For he makes the rules. The game isnt over until someone dies and it won’t be him. Which leaves me in shock. Feeling numb, Feeling nothing. In the end the monster wins and I am gone and he moves on to claim his next victim. Which proves I was just another subject to his game of disaster.
Writers Note :
I wrote this in terms of what alcohol can do to us and will if we let it. The great side to this is that we don’t have to let this happen. By getting help by a higher power who I choose to call God, we can over come the disease of alcoholism. With help from others like ourselves we can become strong and open to a new way of life. Things will unfold to us that we never thought possible through the program of AA. We just have to be willing, honest, and finally fall to our knees humbling ourselves to a God of our understanding!
